October 11th 2012

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  1. #1 by myatheistlife on October 12, 2012 - 6:16 am

    Fast food. A diet consistently laden with sugar leads to reality television. The proof of this is something the government doesn’t want us to know and Hollywood insiders pay huge sums for the government to keep the information locked in a special nuclear fusion sealed vault at Area 51. The secret was nearly discovered when a documentation leak happened several years back. The government and Hollywood covered their tracks by filing Idiocracy to make it all look plausible as filming stunts etc.

    After the elections, Obama is going to start exporting high fructose corn syrup to China so that our farmers get rich and the population growth rate of China will slow down while they are fat and watching reality tv. The fact that high sugar diets cause the birth rate of a population to decline is why the Republicans are pro-life, and why the religious right has joined them. They initially made the cover story about family values, so that left leaning citizens would not report them for abusing their children with sugar diets but now that plan b (reality television) has kicked in, the right leaning oligarchy will start ramping up genetically modified products. They nearly killed the bee population but now they have it perfected they will begin using it first on household pets. This will introduce it slowly so that by the time we’re eating soilent green, it will all seem normal.

    Experiments near the Large Hadron Collider have shown promising. Some ordinary strains of tabby cat have been modified to emit pheromones which cause humans to crave sugar. This has been found most positively expressed in striped tabby cats rather than spotted or mottled tabbys.

    The plan is to continue developing the GM kitty lines while Hollywood mounts an advertising assault on China and Japan, inserting furry cosplay at every available opportunity. So far, hello kitty has been successful.

    If you find eating out irresistible, and you have a striped tabby cat… please choose your restaurants wisely.

    And THAT is why tabby cats have stripes!

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